I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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