Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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