Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
