Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
