if you like me you must not know who I am
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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