Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
