If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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