You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
