I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
