she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
