these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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