just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
