true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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