I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
