i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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