I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
