I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
