she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
