In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
