just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
