I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
