Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize