You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
