i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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