Will you blow on my dice?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
