i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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