dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
