i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
