And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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