Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I will be naked everywhere
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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