you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
