Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
