Don't you send me to vm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize