When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
