I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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