all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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