So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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