I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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