i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
