He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have post one night stand depression
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