I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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