Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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