just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
