yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize