then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
