I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
