There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
