I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
