i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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