I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I want to be your penis for a week.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
