I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
