Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
