I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
