Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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