we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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