I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
