Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
