i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
