I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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