Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
