You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
