this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My feet surprised me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
