Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
