I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
