She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
