i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
