And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
