Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
