hell yes lets make some ravioli
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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