You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
