I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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