You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
