he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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