people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize