thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
