I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
