dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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