I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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