I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
