remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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