you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
