Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
True college students do jello shots in the library
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
