I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
