I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
