I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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