Grow some girl-balls and come out already
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
