I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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