never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
