apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
