I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
