You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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