She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
