im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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