I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
