they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
