I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
