i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
