I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
